Living In The Present
When I was young, my life was an open road, stretching endlessly toward the horizon. A multitude of goals, rites of passage, and fantasies filled my thoughts. With a strong body and a vibrant personality, the choices seemed endless. Adult milestones—career, marriage, parenthood—were my guiding stars, fueling my actions and decisions. I could always alter course, pivot, or adapt; the power to change was always within my reach.
Humor was my companion, letting me see the world in a lighter shade. I could chuckle at life’s inconsistencies because I was constantly observing, adapting, and living fully. My physical abilities empowered me to engage with the world in a tactile, intimate way.
But as years ticked by, those milestones were crossed off, one by one. Each mark on the checklist came with a growing sense of loss. I noticed my abilities waning, friends moving on, and relationships changing. This triggered a seismic shift in my self-perception. I started to wonder, why even bother? The sense of impending physical decline felt like a tightening noose, pulling me into an emotional abyss.
I found myself in treacherous waters, with my vitality ebbing away. I had to lean on my mind to find reasons to persist, to live in a body that felt increasingly unfamiliar. I had to discredit the mirrors and honor the me I know at a deeper level, allowing my mind to take over where my body could no longer tread.
Now, I value every sunrise as if it’s a new lease on life, and I embrace the wisdom that years have bestowed upon me. I strive to live each day savoring what’s available, focusing on what is rather than what used to be. This isn’t the time for my years to go fallow, entrapped in a longing for the past. The present moment still has much to offer; it’s all about what I have now.
So, I take stock, not just of what I can do but also of what I want to do. I aim for manageable joys, savoring the life that’s still unfolding. I cast away the burdens of negativity, choosing instead the light of the present moment. I’ve realigned my goals to sustain my body and mind in a manner that brings peace and yes, even joy.
Moderating expectations isn’t about settling for less but reshaping desires to match reality. I strive not to grieve for who I was; rather, I nurture who I’ve become. I’m thankful for the things I can still do and try not to dwell on the things I can’t. While I stay aware of worldly events, I don’t let them consume me.
Life can indeed be good in an older body. It’s a different chapter, no doubt, but it’s a chapter still worth reading, a story still worth telling.
-Janice Konstantinidis
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